So I have been really quiet over the past few weeks, honestly its feels like it has been months. But my days have been so busy that I have lost track of time and reality. What is my story is the question and the statement that I am about to write sums up everything that has been going on. I’m nervous in what is to come… 3 years have come and gone, but what I guess I can say my motivation was and has always been, is that I was never going to stop until I achieved what I set out to do. I never expected someone else to do it for me; I don’t work like that.
If I tell you how many doors shut in my face, I can safely say that if it wasn’t for those doors closing in my face and the negativity that was said, it wouldn’t have fed the fire in my belly and make me want to achieve this more than anything else. I wouldn’t have found myself and the show picked up by the biggest TV Network in the world. In fact it feels surreal knowing this, making it hard for me to sleep as my dreams carry me into a realm of reality that has come to be. I learnt the most important aspects in what drives me as a person. But saying that I have given up a lot of sacrifices in my life and it has lead me to become a nomad as I feel that I have blocked myself from the world and found myself lost as a person. But it was all part of the plan as I think now as what the show is about. Loosing myself as I set out on an adventure to find who I am along the way is the purpose and part of the story, so it had to be done.
I still have my confidence and my pride, but what I don’t have is what I lost in return for a TV show. Friends, Family and relationships took the back seat, but I’m not saying that they are lost and gone; I’m saying that that I separated and blocked out my emotions from them. I guess this was brought to my attention was when my gran passed away this year. I found myself celebrating my birthday at a karaoke bar knowing that my grans days were numbered, but I didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she will not live forever and she passed away the night of my birthday, she was 93. The last words she said to me were; Stephen I’m dying but I love you very much… I process that sentence from time to time when I am alone.
I set out into Africa in 3 weeks’ time, yet feels like I have been there for a long time already; I guess I’m just going to meet up with myself, hence find myself along the way. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. But the unknown is the draw card for what I am about to do. Do I regret anything that I have done thus far, as I question some of the out comes over others… If I look back in what has brought me to where I am, I honestly don’t think changing the past would change much. It was never about money nor was it about being on TV and what comes with it, those things are not relevant to who I am. I guess that’s the question I seek, WHO AM I?
You and I are both are unable to answer that, as you might compare this over that, in this case nothing should be the same, as there is not an outcome as yet, as my heart still beats from the air that I breath. My heart beats to the sound of a continent I was born on, and only until I set out and explore shall I find what I seek, as an outcome to what that is, might be the question that will be answered to WHO I AM…
If I tell you how many doors shut in my face, I can safely say that if it wasn’t for those doors closing in my face and the negativity that was said, it wouldn’t have fed the fire in my belly and make me want to achieve this more than anything else. I wouldn’t have found myself and the show picked up by the biggest TV Network in the world. In fact it feels surreal knowing this, making it hard for me to sleep as my dreams carry me into a realm of reality that has come to be. I learnt the most important aspects in what drives me as a person. But saying that I have given up a lot of sacrifices in my life and it has lead me to become a nomad as I feel that I have blocked myself from the world and found myself lost as a person. But it was all part of the plan as I think now as what the show is about. Loosing myself as I set out on an adventure to find who I am along the way is the purpose and part of the story, so it had to be done.
I still have my confidence and my pride, but what I don’t have is what I lost in return for a TV show. Friends, Family and relationships took the back seat, but I’m not saying that they are lost and gone; I’m saying that that I separated and blocked out my emotions from them. I guess this was brought to my attention was when my gran passed away this year. I found myself celebrating my birthday at a karaoke bar knowing that my grans days were numbered, but I didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she will not live forever and she passed away the night of my birthday, she was 93. The last words she said to me were; Stephen I’m dying but I love you very much… I process that sentence from time to time when I am alone.
I set out into Africa in 3 weeks’ time, yet feels like I have been there for a long time already; I guess I’m just going to meet up with myself, hence find myself along the way. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. But the unknown is the draw card for what I am about to do. Do I regret anything that I have done thus far, as I question some of the out comes over others… If I look back in what has brought me to where I am, I honestly don’t think changing the past would change much. It was never about money nor was it about being on TV and what comes with it, those things are not relevant to who I am. I guess that’s the question I seek, WHO AM I?
You and I are both are unable to answer that, as you might compare this over that, in this case nothing should be the same, as there is not an outcome as yet, as my heart still beats from the air that I breath. My heart beats to the sound of a continent I was born on, and only until I set out and explore shall I find what I seek, as an outcome to what that is, might be the question that will be answered to WHO I AM…
RSS Feed